Many times in my life, I find myself asking .. myself or the universe.. what's the point. As in what's the purpose of who I am and what I'm doing. It's always been quite difficult for me to do things for the sake of doing it. The more meaning that's attached to why we're doing things, allows me to go at it with excitement and passion. Or else it just.. feels dull.
So here I am again. At age 33, asking myself/universe.. what's next and why do it. And at age 33, I also find myself questioning if this is about ego. Do I reallly need to make it about me? Does everything have to be bigger than what it is? Can things just be and I accept it?
I'm still figuring it out, as I'm sure I will until the day I die. Until then, I can only live day to day and try my best to be a good person and learn. Which so far sometimes takes a couple of days for the true lesson to sink in and for me to say sorry when I didn't make the best decisions or have the best reactions.
But one thing has been consistent throughout my life and it's the feeling of being alone. Like I'm the only one who's.. out of place or.. what the heck is wrong with me? And in many different ways that nobody understands or should be bothered understanding... me. Why I think the way I do and feel the way I feel. So that isolation is something I know, feel, and breathe. Therefore because of that, I believe the core of me lives for connection and support. Because I know how it feels to be alone or feel alone, I really really, from my heart, don't want others to feel that way. It pains me deeply to know others are sinking in hopelessness by themselves. Or they just simply don't like themselves deep down.
I've dealt with self loathing and feeling worthless in my past by filling it with shallow friendships, meaningless distractions, boys, parties, overcompensation... etc to convince myself that I'm not lonely. People like me. Therefore I can't be bad. It can't be me. I'm not alone.
Through my 20's and my depression, I've come to realize the only thing that can fill that void is acceptance. Accepting my flaws, what makes me unlovable, what makes me "different" and just someone who makes many mistakes in life. And that's ok. It's really ok. And at the core of that, that is what connects and bonds us all. Regardless of our circumstances, the color of our skin, our sexual preferences.. whatever we're told to make us believe we can NOT relate to someone else.
And that is the answer. That's what I'm doing. That is the point. And it's not about ego. I know I truly care. I know I'm trying to be better. And that I truly want others to know, you're not alone. Looking back I've made a career of supporting others, being their cheerleader, and helping them celebrate their stories as individuals. Whether that was in event planning, working in the Asian American community, to now I guess really talking and trying to listen to others.
I don't know what's next. But it's probably going to be finding another way to connect on a deeper level with others.
And that, makes me happy. That gives me peace. At least for today.
Saturday, February 25, 2017
I have known for a long time now why I was created. And my life's journey so far has been a collection of lessons for me to try and understand empathy + compassion with each new person + experience. I'm not perfect by far but I never feel as alive as when I get to talk to someone and really speak honestly from our hearts. Free of judgement. Free to just spill out our guts and not worry about being misunderstood. To just be heard.
To have someone really look at you and see you. Even if we don't fully understand, we try.
I dream big. I dream of one day having big conferences full of classes, speakers, real people all connecting. Where we can share each other's stories, pains + joys. And uplift each other to keep going on. To keep fighting for more love.
But I also know the key to dreaming big is starting one step at a time. And doing what I can now and not just wait for things to happen. I have gotten and still receive many many emails and messages from many of you, brave enough to share your stories. To seek for a connection. And I'm always so honored to get them. To be thought of as someone who you would want to talk to. Even though we might be strangers, you trust me enough to tell me some of your deepest fears and biggest ambitions.
So inspired by you guys, I have decided to start one on one video conference chats with anyone who wants to talk. It may not seem like much, but I want to start somewhere.
If you are someone or know someone who would want to talk, ask advice, share your thoughts... I am here.
It all starts with this form:
I have come to believe that the biggest step is the first one. And that one starts with you and knowing you have the power to make that choice. If you are hurting or feel alone and that no one understands so you must suffer by yourself, you have the power to reach out to someone. I may not be that person, but please know you are loved and people want to be there.
Also on lighter note, if you just want to share how your day was, I'll always love to hear about it.
So, let's sip some tea and talk <3
With that, I send all my love.
Monday, December 26, 2016
I feel like I literally just woke up from a long long slumber.
Actually 2016 has been just a numbing year. I've had many many days/weeks that I just didn't want to get out of bed. To be honest, I have gone almost full months of not leaving my place.
At first, I was like ok take your time. Rest. Do what you need.
Then a month went by and I felt like I should .. do something. Get up. Wake up! Mentally and physically. But no matter what I told myself or how many inspirational books/quotes I read, I just... didn't want to.
Just waiting. I don't know. For things to make sense? To have that moment kick in when I would be like OMG YES. I'M READY WORLD.
But the more I wanted it to come, the more I felt I was digging deeper and deeper into this hole. Wanting to just.. be alone.
(Looking back, it makes sense. I was healing. And like any wound, you need to give yourself time to repair... as impatient and uncomfortable as you may be. Just let yourself be).
Retracing my steps of how I got "here," things started to set in motion back in 2014. I could feel the climax building. And I just.. kept it down. Suppressed my emotions and feelings for the greater good of everyone around me. And then 2015 happened. 2015 emotionally slaughtered me. In every direction. From people I loved the most. From the people I gave everything to.
You know that saying... sometimes the people you love the most, hurt you the worst.
Maybe part of me didn't want to give them the satisfaction of seeing how much they hurt me that I just.. went numb. I've also been told most of my life to not be so emotional or sensitive. So I learned in such a bad way to suppress my feelings. To be strong!
But truth was, I was and have been.. brokenhearted by it all. My heart shattered.
I was so hurt and mad. So angry. How could you? I.. trusted you.
And no matter how much I twisted from it, I couldn't break free from this resentment and anger. I felt shackled to this ball of pain... only wanting to fly away.
Oh how I've been wanting to fly. To break free. To set myself free. I mean if I can't be my own hero, who can be? And when that wasn't happening, I almost felt like I wanted to go to those who caused this pain and demand that they give back the pieces they took from me. Hold them accountable for their actions!
And tonight, that's when it clicked. I couldn't break free and let go because I didn't want to. Not because I wanted to continue to feel mad but because I wanted them to be accountable. And it wasn't fair they get to just walk away.
But I finally heard the universe.
It's not up to me to make them own up or take responsibility. In the haze of my own pain, I forgot that they're suffering too. They have been hurting for a long long time. Far before I even came into the picture. And through their own internal struggles, their lens became unfocused. And their decisions made from the very fears they've been trying to run away from. Hurt people hurt others. I have done the same.
I realized, I no longer want to be part of that cycle. I no longer want to perpetuate that negative energy. And suddenly none of the pettiness mattered. It had always been petty only magnified through narrow perspectives and ego. All of it unworthy of any of my attention or time.
Girl aint got time for that.
Even though I knew I didn't want to hold on to anger anymore and forgiving someone is the best way to do that, I just couldn't do it. I had to untangle the knots of my own past experiences and why I personally couldn't forgive. And the key really was because of my need to have that person stop that behavior and realize the error in their ways so they don't hurt others. Judge and jury basically.
The moment I said that out loud tonight, I immediately felt the release. It's not my responsibility. Just like only I can set myself free, the same goes for those who hurt me and everyone else who they will encounter. Everyone has their own trials to go through in their own time. Some never realize it or come to terms with their demons.
But the beauty of life is that it will give you chance after chance to feel the light. And that light is love. The same love that created the universe and everything wonderful in it.. just for you. The love that you were born with. The love that you didn't have to do a damn thing to earn or be worthy of. It's always been there, unconditional.. overflowing... all around you. The love is of you and comes from you. That's why it never goes empty!
And when you accept that love, you step into the light.
The light lifts you.
You are weightless.
And that's when you can soar because.. you're free.
I believe that's what they call peace.
Posted by Christine at 8:14 AM
Wednesday, September 7, 2016
I've been going back and forth on whether I should write this post. I've finally concluded... just write and see what happens. So here I go.
After 5 amazing years at Wong Fu Productions, full of ups and downs, I have decided it's time to go. Coming to this decision has been an extremely difficult one. Wong Fu has, in so many ways, become intertwined with my life. I gave everything I had and in these 5 years, I'm walking away with beautiful memories, new friends who have now truly become my family, a movie, and many many laughs + tears.
I had to be honest with myself and really come to terms that I've taken WF as far as I can go and given everything I had to give... as did they. And the most unselfish thing we could do for each other is to each move forward onto our next chapters. So new spaces can open up for more amazing people to step in to help climb bigger mountains.
The greatest joy I feel is that all this came unexpectedly. Life is what you make of it. If you put 110% in, you come out feeling like a million dollars. That's the secret really. The value of true happiness doesn't come from money, job titles, or in others... It's how true you are to your soul.
Give generously and genuinely
Speak your truth
Love without expecting
HUG a lot
Compassion and consideration go a long long way
And.. Learn to continuously love and forgive yourself
Do all these things for yourself. As in don't do it to please others or try to win friendships or respect. You don't need to prove anything to anyone when you know yourself and can stand with confidence that what you say and do is pure.
I guarantee if you at least strive to live life that way, you'll always walk away with your arms, soul, and heart overflowing. You'll really come out with so much more than what you walked in with.
With all that said... and I say this as I'm wiping tears away...
I feel an overwhelming wave of gratitude and peace now.
Thank you for allowing me to close this beautiful beautiful chapter of my life. It's been written with so much love. And like any page turning chapter, there were moments that left me both speechless and with my heart aching. But I wouldn't take back any words. The good and not so good all made for this complete part of my life.
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
Wow can you believe this is episode 6 of xoxo christine already?! Time flies!
SO for this week's episode, I teach you how to make this ADORABLE SLEEPY TOTORO!! I LOOOOVE HIM! I'm a huuuuge fan of miyazaki and ghibli films. And sleepy totoro is one of my favorite characters.
He's easy to make and makes the perfect cuddle buddy ♥
note: he's available now at my shop!
- click on image
- it'll open up in a bigger size
- right click the image and save
- yayy you can now print out the templates and start crafting!
- it'll open up in a bigger size
- right click the image and save
- yayy you can now print out the templates and start crafting!
- printed totoro pattern above
- different colored fabric
* grey for the body + outer earsn (i used a jersey fabric)
* white for the tummy (i used fleece)
* any color for the scarf + inner ears (i used cotton)
- different colored felt for details
* black for eyes + nose
* pink for blush
* grey for V's on tummy
- water erasable marker
- white + grey thread
- glue gun
- sewing pins optional
1.) First you want to trace out all your pattern pieces according to fabric color
- Grey: body (2 pieces) + outer ear (2 pieces)
- White: tummy (1)
- Mint: scarf (1) + inner ear (2)
* Using sewing pins really help keep the template in place
* I like using the water erasable marker because I can wipe off the markings after. I got mine for $1 at Daiso! If you dont have one, you can definitely use a light colored marker
2.) Then you want to cut out all the body parts
3.) Sew up the body!
- Using a grey thread, I like to use the running stitch because it's simple and quick! You basically just want to weave your thread through both layers, making approx 1 cm stitches in between, and just pull through
- Sew all the way around your markings, leaving the bottom 1/4 open for stuffing
- Flip inside out
4.) Sew up the ears!
- Still using your grey thread, you want to stack the mint and grey cutouts on top of each other. Remember to have the back of the fabric facing outwards (you'll be flipping it inside out as well when youre down sewing it)
- I also use the running stitch and leave the bottom open for stuffing
- Flip inside out + stuff
- Then sew close up the bottom of the ears by folding the bottom inside the ear and whip stitching it closed
5.) Let's attach the tummy to the body!
- Using the sewing pins, position the tummy onto the body
- Use the whip stitch to sew on the body. You want to push your needle out from inside the body (to hide the knot) and pull it through to the edge of the tummy. Then go loop out back onto the body and push your needle back round into the body and out the tummy again. And just keep repeating this process till you go all the way around!
6.) Now you can add stuffing into the body + close it up
- You can either use the ladder stitch or whip stitch to close it up! I use the ladder stitch because it's better to hide your stitches
7.) Attach the ears!
- I use sewing pins to keep the ears in place as I use the whip stitch to sew on the ears. Just go from the back and work your way to the front and then to the back of the ears again
8.) Cute scarf time!
- For the scrunched up, blowing in the wind look, i like to scrunch up the scarf and weave my needle through the scrunched up fabric and pull the thread tightly. That way it keeps it scrunched up! And just pull your needle through that same part a few times to secure it
- Then you want to sew the back side of your scarf to the front by pulling your needle through front to back, back to front a couple of times. You can repeat the same weaving technique for the back side as well!
- Double knot the thread inside the scarf
9.) Finally let's glue gun totoro's features!
- Cut out all the parts: eyes, nose, blush, and 3 V's for the tummy
- You can also use embroidery thread to sew on the features as well!
- Then just hot glue them on
YAYYY YOU'RE DONE!!! HOW STINKIN CUTE IS HE!!
omg love it!
definitely tag me on instagram: @peachiechristine if you make him!
sending you all the sleepy hugs!!
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
This week's episode, I show you & Jenn how to add gold, silver, mint, pink, foil to any digital print!
It's super simple and requires minimal supplies that are affordable! I really hope you try it out because it'll add all the sparkle to your life ♥
note: all the these foil prints are available now
on my etsy shop
- your favorite digital print
*it must be printed with toner through a laser printer. Ink jet printers won't work!
if you dont have one, you can always take it to a local printer and have them print it on their laser printers for you.
i bought my printer on sale for $50 so it wasn't too bad
- any color foil sheets
* deco foil brand works great
* heidi swapp has gorgeous colors
* I have the 12" but the 9" is perfect
- one regular printer paper as the cover sheet
1. First, turn your laminator to the hottest setting
*The heat does depend on how thick your paper is and how hot your lamintor gets
*Just a heads up that through my experience, sometimes using thin printer paper with the hottest setting can wrinkle your paper
*I would just recommend you try it a couple of times to see what works best with your paper + laminator
*I now use thicker cardstock and the hottest setting for the best results
2. Then using your foil sheet, measure the length of your print and cut to size
*The foil will stick directly onto the ink it's touching. So if you want a certain word to be a certain color, be sure to put that color foil directly on top of that entire word.
3. Place the foil color side up and carefully add the cover sheet on top
4. Use the palm of your hand to press out any extra air that may be in between the foil and the ink
5. Slowly run it through the laminator. You can run it through a few times if you'd like
Just keep in mind that using this method isn't perfect. There will be imperfections where the foil doesn't stick on evenly to the ink. And please dont do what I did and not check the max thickness of paper your printer can print on.
HAVE FUN!! I hope you make all the beautiful lovely things in life!!
Tuesday, July 26, 2016
And honestly, who doesn't want to be like or loved by everyone? Especially when you do try. Even the people who spew out hate want to be loved for who they are just like everyone else. I believe they are particularly scarred by being rejected sometime in their past and therefore are out to cover their own deep rooted insecurities by attempting to make others feel their pain.
Being in the entertainment world, it can be extremely hard when you carry that burden of wanting to be liked by everyone. It's not going to happen. Someone will always have an opinion and the mean ones definitely aren't afraid to let you know. All the happy positive comments won't erase those few comments that say "EW GROSS I CANT STAND THE WAY SHE LOOKS OR TALKS," "Why is she even here," "Christine your eyebrows are too far apart," "I want to punch her face," "She looks so ugly," "Who told her she looks good as a blonde?"
I mean I can go on. I've definitely talked about being so overwhelmed with negative comments when I first came on camera years ago that I literally cried myself to sleep for a week. I used to be embarrassed to talk about it out loud because I was afraid other people/friends would secretly agree with those comments (I know so silly). I remember talking about this with Anna Akana and she was like yea she had to develop a pretty thick skin after the comments she got. And I remember thinking, mann Christine.. just suck it up! Why are you being so sensitive? Who cares? When will you develop that thick skin?
Honestly with time, I have. I mean, some comments can still sting but hey, that is life. If I myself don't agree with that negativity, then BYE FELICIA! No I'm not going to get surgery or change/wear more or less makeup to appease you. I like my blonde hair. I like the change and stepping outside my usual comfort zone! However I choose to express myself is something I embrace. I don't have to fit into this nice little box of how others believe I SHOULD look or act like as a woman.
Sidenote: I've always felt all the feels with Sophie from Howl's Moving Castle
She always felt ordinary and not special.
But ends up finding she possessed the strongest of magic from within...
Only when she truly opened her eyes to see herself.
Constructive criticism is completely different. First, it's coming from a good place. It's not meant to tear me down or my integrity as a person/woman. Second, I am all about improving, learning, and evolving to be a better person + make better things. And some of those suggestions have really helped me see a lot of things I didn't even think about in a really positive way! I really thank all of those who have been kind about wanting to help.
After turning 32, I've finally reached a point where I can smh and focus my energy on my blessings. Being a people pleaser for the sake of being liked is rooted in the wrong sentiment. No one ever taught me to like me for me first. Everything else will follow. If I'm running around trying to find fulfillment or validation from others, I will end up hating myself and the world. It is all about how you choose to see the world. I can do what I did and beat myself up about the negative comments. OR I can appreciate and be so grateful for those amazing people who took the time to be encouraging, understanding, and lovingly supportive.
But most importantly, I and hopefully you can learn to love the gifts we were given.. internally. That is the essence of who we were made to be. And through life's lessons, our job is to better refine those gifts and cherish them as they develop. If we're focusing on other people's gifts and comparing, we're totally missing the point.
Wednesday, July 6, 2016
This week's episode, I show you how to make fairy flower crowns!
I know flower crowns have been around forever but I've always wanted to try making them myself and it's just such a simple and therapeutic way to be creative.
You can make them for birthdays, photo shoots, weddings, bridal showers, or just to have because they make you feel whimsical and magical ♥
- silk flowers or real flowers
- wire cutters preferred, scissors could work too
- floral tape // washi tape also works great
- floral wire
- glue gun
- glue sticks
1. First, using the floral wire, measure the base of your crown by loopoing the wire around the top of your head
2. You want to wrap your floral wire around at least 2 loops (I like to do 3 sometimes) to create a stronger base
3. Cut the wire where the beginning tip is so it's easier to start wrapping
4. Start at the ends and twist them around the base so they don't poke you
5. Cut your floral tape into 5 - 10 inch strips so it's easier to use
6. With your floral tape, you want to start wrapping at the tip
- Twist around the wire once and pinch the floral tape so it sticks to the wire.- If the floral tape doesn't stick very well, pinch and twist the beginning and wrap the tape around that area a few times (3 - 4) and continue on
7. You want to loop the floral tape around each section tightly at least 2 - 3 times before moving on
- This will create a sturdy enough base without the flower crown looking or feeling too bulky
- Then continue wrapping and pinching the tape as you till you go all the way around back to where you first started
- Remember to pinch and twist as you go to secure the tape!
- If as you're wrapping, your wire starts to bunch up and the crown isn't going to be a even round circle, you want to cut where the wire is bunching up
- Then just like how you started in the beginning, wrap your tape around the ends and wrap the floral tape around that section a couple times
- Then you're good to go again!
8. Now it's time to grab your flowers and start arranging them on the crown base without cutting the flowers just yet
- Once you're happy with your design, trim the flowers with the wire cutter leaving 1/2 - 1 inch of the stem so you can attach it to the base
- Use floral tape to attach the stem, wrapping 2 - 4 times.. or as needed so it's secure
9. If you're using longer floral stems, wrap the floral tape on different sections of the stem
- You can also use the glue gun to attach small flowers
- Try adding different kinds of flowers + leaves + accessories to give your crown more texture + personality!
- Use flower crown photos you find online (instagram, pinterest, and etsy are great) for inspiration! There's so many different types of looks and styles that you'll find one that really speaks to you!
*crown yourself girl*