There are 4 things in my life that I pour my heart and soul into.
In that order.
Many times, they blend together. And other times, they seem to conflict. As I get older and I experience more of life, I find myself struggling of how to balance it all. There's only so much time and so much of me to spend that time with each of these four pillars of my life. How do I give my all without disappointing one or more of them?
That is a question I was and still am dealing with today. When I was younger, I was selfish and reckless. I did exactly what I wanted without any thought of how it would affect others.
I made decisions that either directly or indirectly hurt people. Especially my parents. I failed to realize that just because they didn't approve of what I was doing, didn't mean they loved me less.
That's an easy misconception to have. "If I do what they want me to do, they will be proud of me thus love me more. So I can't let them down, ever. Or else that love will slowly drain away until there's nothing left." Don't believe those lies. Your parents only want what's best for you. Now what's best for you is something YOU have to eventually answer on your own because it's your life. But it's hard for parents to understand that because forever they'll think of you as their little baby who needs to be protected and sheltered from the harsh world. And you can't blame them for that.
Well.. kinda like that.
We as children, forget how our parents stayed up at night to sing us to sleep when we were young. We don't remember every moment they worried over a cough, fever, or crying fit. We may not know how much overtime they put in or how many awful coworkers/bosses they had to work with so they could afford to buy us our favorite toys or pay for tutoring so we may have a better future.
So now that I'm older and I encounter a situation where it seems like I have to choose between being a respectful/obedient daughter or pursuing what I feel is right for me, I breathe and ask for patience and understanding towards my parents. Because in order to ask that of someone, you yourself should give that same courtesy first. It doesn't always go as I hope, but my attitude makes a world of difference.
And that at the end of the day is the key to what's best for you. Your attitude... towards yourself, your life, and your loved ones. What you give out is what you'll get back. It may not happen all at once, but one day you'll see the change and it'll hit you like a ton of bricks... peace.