Sunday, March 15, 2015

* Learning To Love Again *

Sometimes it's hard for me to blog because I'm not inspired to write and I don't feel like I have anything to say. But I realized today, if I start writing my thoughts based on themes I have a lot to say! That's exactly what happened with "After Us." Phil had an idea to make a short about post breakup from a woman's perspective. And I was so inspired by that that theme, I couldn't stop writing because I just had too much to share. And now After Us is a beautiful depiction of what I personally went through and my journey of how I got out of the darkness.

What makes me want to continue to write is feeling the connection with so many of you out there who are going through or have gone through similar experiences. Feeling like we're not alone which makes life less scary.




Therefore, as more of a writing exercise for myself, I'm going to start this series of "Life Themes" and just write whatever I feel. It won't always be grammatically correct or even with complete sentences. But I just want to get my thoughts out there. So forgive me if these posts feel rough and unpolished. I'd still love for you to join me... <3

If you have any suggestions or ideas for more "Life Themes" please leave them in the comments! 


So today's theme:
Learning to Love Again

Music:
Ailee: Goodbye Now





"Learning to Love Again"


The aftermath of a breakup. The feeling of loneliness. Feeling what it’s like to be completely alone.  Rediscovering who you are without a partner. By yourself. Without being defined by words like “we” “us” anymore. Now your identity is “me” “myself” “party of one."




When your heart has been broken and torn into bits and pieces.. how do you find the strength to glue it back together? You can’t have someone new do it for you because he doesn’t know how the pieces fit. You have to do it yourself. But that requires energy. Energy that you don’t have left. 





But day by day, you start functioning as a person. (Brush teeth, dress self, eat, brush teeth, sleep .. repeat). Step by step, you regain your footing. (Brush teeth, make up, brunch catch up with friends, laughing at "The Office," ice cream, journaling by the beach, singing in the car, eating cereal while watching Ina Garten, shower, brush teeth, prayer, sleep)...

Without realizing, you can pass the day without thinking of him, of us, of what was lost. You start laughing. Really laughing. You start thinking clearly about what had happened. Things had to end. (He was selfish). It makes sense. (My heart wasn't fully in it). It was the right decision. (We so weren't on the same page). Because when you’re able to step out of the mess and chaos of everything, you can see things for what they really were. Not what you wanted them to be. What you hoped for it to become. The fantasy and delusion melts away because it was never real.





Feeling loved. Feeling like you belonged. Feeling like you were made for each other. Sometimes, we fall in love with the feeling more than we do with the actual person. There’s a difference. It takes knowing yourself, really knowing the deepest core of who you are to see the difference. Or else, it’s easy to get swept up in the dream vs what’s real from within. 




Learn to love yourself first before you love someone else. How can you give when you yourself are empty? It won’t be genuine. Just manufactured emotions fueled by hollowed shells of who you so desperately want to be. That’s the simple difference between truth and lies. You’ll know when it’s true, of you, pure, free. You'll feel.. free.

Through the battles and scars, you'll come out stronger and grateful you got the chance to start over a better person with a clearer purpose.





Learn to love again. Learn to love you again. 
You'll learn to love again. You'll learn to love yourself again.






......................


Insert "After Us" for a more complete step by step of the recovery process to self growth and love






xoxo,
Christine