Tuesday, July 26, 2016

* Do You Like You? *

All my life, I've been a people pleaser. I was taught to be one starting from when I was a little girl. In mandarin, the exact translation is "you have to chase after their like for you." I distinctly remember being told that I have to try harder to be liked because I'm a girl and I can't do whatever I want like a boy.

And honestly, who doesn't want to be like or loved by everyone? Especially when you do try. Even the people who spew out hate want to be loved for who they are just like everyone else. I believe they are particularly scarred by being rejected sometime in their past and therefore are out to cover their own deep rooted insecurities by attempting to make others feel their pain.

source: owlturd.com

Being in the entertainment world, it can be extremely hard when you carry that burden of wanting to be liked by everyone. It's not going to happen. Someone will always have an opinion and the mean ones definitely aren't afraid to let you know. All the happy positive comments won't erase those few comments that say "EW GROSS I CANT STAND THE WAY SHE LOOKS OR TALKS," "Why is she even here," "Christine your eyebrows are too far apart," "I want to punch her face," "She looks so ugly," "Who told her she looks good as a blonde?"

I mean I can go on. I've definitely talked about being so overwhelmed with negative comments when I first came on camera years ago that I literally cried myself to sleep for a week. I used to be embarrassed to talk about it out loud because I was afraid other people/friends would secretly agree with those comments (I know so silly). I remember talking about this with Anna Akana and she was like yea she had to develop a pretty thick skin after the comments she got. And I remember thinking, mann Christine.. just suck it up! Why are you being so sensitive? Who cares? When will you develop that thick skin?

Honestly with time, I have. I mean, some comments can still sting but hey, that is life. If I myself don't agree with that negativity, then BYE FELICIA! No I'm not going to get surgery or change/wear more or less makeup to appease you. I like my blonde hair. I like the change and stepping outside my usual comfort zone! However I choose to express myself is something I embrace. I don't have to fit into this nice little box of how others believe I SHOULD look or act like as a woman.

Sidenote: I've always felt all the feels with Sophie from Howl's Moving Castle
She always felt ordinary and not special.
But ends up finding she possessed the strongest of magic from within...
Only when she truly opened her eyes to see herself. 

Constructive criticism is completely different. First, it's coming from a good place. It's not meant to tear me down or my integrity as a person/woman. Second, I am all about improving, learning, and evolving to be a better person + make better things. And some of those suggestions have really helped me see a lot of things I didn't even think about in a really positive way! I really thank all of those who have been kind about wanting to help.

After turning 32, I've finally reached a point where I can smh and focus my energy on my blessings. Being a people pleaser for the sake of being liked is rooted in the wrong sentiment. No one ever taught me to like me for me first. Everything else will follow. If I'm running around trying to find fulfillment or validation from others, I will end up hating myself and the world. It is all about how you choose to see the world. I can do what I did and beat myself up about the negative comments. OR I can appreciate and be so grateful for those amazing people who took the time to be encouraging, understanding, and lovingly supportive.


But most importantly, I and hopefully you can learn to love the gifts we were given.. internally. That is the essence of who we were made to be. And through life's lessons, our job is to better refine those gifts and cherish them as they develop. If we're focusing on other people's gifts and comparing, we're totally missing the point.